Posted on April 16, 2012
The Continued Adventures of Drizzy Swagtacular Dre
If you remember an old post from a little over a year ago regarding the “Swagtacular” adventures of two strapping young gentlemen: Yung Joose and Dre Dollas, then you are sure to enjoy today’s long-awaited sequel. That’s right, today we’ll investigate the goings-on of Joose and Dollas partner-in-crime, Drizzy Swagtacular Dre. Now don’t let the names confuse you, just because both of these lads go by Dre does not necessarily mean they have anything in common. Let’s take a look and see what the boys are up to, shall we?
I stumbled across Drizzy Dre (my nickname for him) as I was searching Facebook to find out what Yung J and Dre$ had been to up. I immediately abandoned my search when I found this hidden internet gem. I gotta be honest, sometimes the tubes that power the intarwebz align, and everything is right in the online world. The discovery of this gentleman on Facebook was definitely one of those times, similar to my first viewing of (WARNING: NSFW LINKS) 2 girls 1 cup, my first RickRoll, or the first time I was link hijacked and shanghaied onto a Goatse page or accidentally stumbled across the Lemon Party. You get what I’m saying – sometimes shit is just funny as hell…and this was one of those times.
I think the most obvious place to start here is with the pictures. For some reason, this gentleman has quite the obsession with posting pictures of himself holding copious amounts of cash. Since his profile states that he is gainfully employed at Foot Locker, I can only wonder where he came across such a serious amount of money other than he cashed an entire paycheck…literally…and took a ton of pictures of him holding $500 in $20 bills in various Myspace-type angles. Although I suppose that for a person whose middle name is “Stackin Dollas” that this lifestyle is only fitting…
After further perusal, I found other interesting pictures. It seems that not only does Dre have copious amounts of cash money, but he also prides himself on having a nice whip.
Notice a few interesting things about this picture…Dre has obviously spent some of that hard earned cash on upgrading the rims on his ride. He’s installed some 20’s that look pretty dope on this Caddy. Not only did he upgrade them joints, but he has also installed a Lambo door kit on the car (highlighted for your easy identification). However, he apparently ran out out money halfway through this project, as the rear door was apparently removed in anticipation of the door upgrade, and never reattached. That, or it just fell off. Which is maybe what the guy sitting on the roof of the car is pointing at? Regardless, we can see that these gentlemen enjoy a lifestyle that the rest of us can only dream of.
Next, I started looking through the internet wasteland that is Drizzy Dre’s page, and the first thing that became readily obvious to me was the fact that this man has an astounding command of the English language. I thought I was impressed with the conversation I read between Joose and Dollas a year ago…but those two didn’t scratch the surface of content that Drizzy Dre is pumping out. Now I can only hope to somewhat understand what is going on here, I don’t claim to truly know what he is saying…but I’ll do my best to understand:
Translation: “I would rather not attend my classes today. However, I am concerned that I do not have anything else to do and might find myself bored if I am not in class. If you are interested in hanging out, please feel free to contact me.”
Note: WTF why was this posted at 4am? What time does his school start?!
Translation: I have no fucking clue. Although the line “so much money on my mind I need a memory card” is hilarious!
Translation: Fuck I’m 1 for 3, I have no idea what he is trying to say here other than he is “Fresh tu Death”.
I give up. I have no idea what this means. It’s not even a complete sentence. There’s a Star Wars reference in there but things seem to fall apart after the Bill Gates reference…
Finally. This puts it all in perspective for me. He’s been rapping! I thought this was all nonsense, but now in the context of fresh beats and dope rhymes, it all makes sense! Drizzy Dre is a lyrical poet. All is right in the world.
I was really wondering for a while there as I suffered through some of those status updates…it reminded me of the 13 year girls on AIM who must have painstakingly typed every other letter as a capital. How in the world did they do that?! Would those girls literally switch off hitting shift in between each letter? How LoNg WoUlD iT tAkE tHeM tO wRiTe EvEn ThE sHoRtEsT oF sEnTeNcEs?!?! (Answer: A long time. Even concentrating on what I was doing it took me a full minute to type out that sentence alternating shift every other letter.
Well, there you have it. It’s good to make new friends online every now and then, and I feel proud to add Drizzy Swagtacular Dre to my online stable of pals. Keep an eye out for his rap game, you can tell from the proof I just posted – he’s about to blow up!