Posted on March 19, 2012
Ian Goes Cougar Hunting…Hilarity Ensues
If you have been a long time reader of T&T you may remember my last ordeal with online dating (see THIS post from a while back). It didn’t go so well. So since my recent (not my choice) change in relationship status, I figured I might as well use this opportunity to see whats going on with San Diego’s huge population of older, eligible, women. That’s right – Cougars. La Jolla, Del Mar, Solana Beach…the coastal areas are full of Cougar Dens with tons of Cougars on the prowl. I like to think I fall into their prime demographic – single, no kids, self sufficient, eligible bachelor under 30?
So I did what any self respecting young cougar-hunter would do. I signed up for CougarLife.com. After all, it’s been voted America’s #1 wildest online dating site…what could go wrong? I immediately set up a profile, using years of online dating experience to craft an irresistible presence for myself on the site. And what do you know…the messages started pouring in! Within a week I had 6 messages, within a month, over 15. I must have done something right! But wait, there’s a catch – WHAT! I have pay in order to read the messages?! I’m hooked – no doubt these messages are dripping with sexual innuendos that only a mid-40’s divorcee could propose.
My Gmail inbox starts to fill up with notifications like this:
Of course this goes straight to my head and I start envisioning myself as the Steve Irwin of La Jolla, spending Friday nights out Cooz-Hunting or posting up at the bar at the Brigantine on a Poon Safari, slaying the local wildlife and being nursed back to health from horrible wine-cooler hangovers by beautiful middle aged women.
Well, I might have let my imagination get the best of me, because I still haven’t paid to sign up and see what these messages actually say. But hey – they have a guarantee that if I don’t actually get laid – they will refund my membership fee. How can I go wrong?! Since I’ve been a member for about a month and still not actually signed up, one day I receive the following message:
WHAT!! You want me to be a member so badly that you will let me sign up for the one-time low price of $12?!?!?!? SOLD! As I go to the sign up link, shaking with the anticipation of what these messages are going to say, I feel like the guy in the Da Vinci code unlocking that codex thing (only to find out that this situation is going to have a worse ending than a Dan Brown novel).
I decide to do some quick googling before actually putting down a credit card on this thing, and I fire off a quick search for “cougar life scam”. Uh oh…millions of results. I decide to read a few. Oh shit, these guys have been in the same situation. That can’t possibly be the same for me though, these women are legit (this is literally my thought process). I’ll just do a quick check and see what these profiles look like…
Wait a minute nitestorm008, why haven’t you filled out your “About Me” section? Why do you only have 1 picture? Why do ALL of the other women who messaged me have the same situation on their profile? The realization begins to sink in that I am indeed NOT the Steve Irwin of middle aged women. I’m a sucker who *ALMOST* fell for an online scam. hahaha
Well, I can’t give CougarLife.com the awesome review that I really wanted to. But I can tell you this: just signing up for this thing is great for your ego as the spam messages start rolling in. In you are single loser like myself, it just might provide the confidence boost you are looking for to get out there and meet some women through real interaction…Or just learn the Mystery Method. (hahahaha)
Stay tuned as I read the pick up artist books and try that route!
EDIT: As I was editing this post, I happened to see the following ad show up in the Google-provided ads integrated in my site. WTF! Who’s the marketing genius in charge of this campaign? FAIL
EDIT #2: If you are into laughing about other people’s online dating misadventures, I HIGHLY recommend you check out Single Steve’s blog. I can’t even touch the shit this guy gets into. Go get ’em, Steve!