Posted on December 22, 2010
Dude Gets the Ultimate Test – Dump this Bitch!
There’s been a joke floating around Reddit/the Internet for ages where the husband-to-be is asked to come over to the bride’s house for a favor. The bride isn’t there but the little sister is, little sister tries to seduce him, he runs outside, and the whole family is outside congratulating him on not succumbing to her temptation. The joke being that he keeps his condoms in the car and was just going to get them…
Guess what? This shit HAPPENED to me today.
My girlfriend calls me over to help her friend (who is definitely not unattractive and I’ve known quite well for some time) with some computer problem. I show up and the friend tells me the GF ran out to do some quick errands. I ask about the computer and she starts bullshitting about how it’s been “running slow” or some other non-point issue.
Suddenly, the friend asks if I think she is attractive. I hesitate. Not wanting to upset one of the future bridesmaids I tell her “of course, you’re pretty.” She then starts telling me all this shit about how she has always had her eye on me, and how nice I was, and how hot I was…
I was kind of just floored. After that she fully came on to me. Went for the embrace, tried to convert to kiss. I pulled away, excused myself, and went out the door.
Head count: Mom, 3 other friends, my girlfriend, and her sister are outside waiting for me. They all laugh and cheer, the girlfriend runs up and jumps in my arms like I’m some sort of hero, and the mom has tears running down her cheek. They all kept saying how glad they were I “passed the test” and how “good I was” for her, etc.
I smiled a bit, was really shaken up. In the middle of all the celebration I quietly said I wasn’t feeling well, and excused myself. Got in the car and drove off (small burnout, it’s what the Camry could manage), and have been hitting ignore on the countless phone calls I’ve gotten since then. As of this post (6:13AM PST), it’s been about 12 hours since the incident and I still can’t place my thoughts.
On one hand, I feel deeply and utterly betrayed. On the other, it’s ridiculous to the point that it’s funny and my girlfriend has never done anything even close to this before. Reddit, talk to me. What are your thoughts?
EDIT: (6:50AM PST) Wow, the initial feedback is huge. I guess this struck a chord with many people. I e-mailed her a little note that basically said I needed “some time to think about what happened today.” I haven’t slept at all so I think I’m going to see if I can get a few hours in and then go from there. Thanks for all the kind words so far.
Wow, I’ve heard that joke before a million times, but never thought that would actually happen to someone. I would be so mad if a girl actually did that to me. He got quite a few responses on Reddit, I was pretty impressed – and there’s some good stuff on there! One of my favorites:
This is more inline with my reaction. Imagine how she’d react to any sort of test.
Send her shopping with a mutual friend and have that friend talk her into charging a fabulous pair of shoes that she really can’t afford. Fail; because she will break you financially eventually.
Offer her two snacks, carrot sticks or carrot cake. If she takes the cake. Fail; because she’ll become a fatty eventually.
Call her on the phone on your way home from work. Tell her you are going to have a drink with the guys. If she tries to stop you. Fail; because you’ll have no friends eventually.
If she gets angry at being tested. Fail; because she has different standards for herself than what she applies to you.