Have Fork, Will Travel? What Have You Done, Zane?!

I don’t know if anyone else watched the MOJO HD drinking show “Three Sheets” as religiously as we did, but god damn it was a hell of a show. Unfortunately, it has now been replaced by a pathetic Food Network cooking show called “Have Fork, Will Travel”, in which our beloved host, comedian Zane Lamprey travels the world in search of…food. God Damn It. I watched the first episode the other day, and was extremely disappointed. Extremely.

So, I wrote Zane this message on Myspace. Chances are I won’t get a reply. But if I do, it will be posted here:

Hey Zane,

I love three sheets. Myself and my roomates, as avid drinkers and travelers, have been fans since day one. Watching you pound beers across the world in pure HD has been great, nothing we looked forward to more than a weds night of Three Sheets and some ice cold beer to enjoy it with. However, your new show I find…well, sobering.

I found myself watching your travel around France enjoying some of the best food they have to offer, but I could not revel in any of your drunk antics. Yes, the food made me hungry because I was semi-drunk from the pre-show beers I had imbibed, and the couple I had on deck to enjoy during the show, but I just could not muster the same amount of enjoyment from this food show.

You got my hopes up whilst drinking wine and eating cheese with the overweight proprietor of the “Cheesery”, but you seemed to limit yourself and were careful not to have too much.

Zane, for us drinking purists out there, it just hurts to see you turn your back on loyal fans. You had a good thing going. Hell, any of us would sacrifice a bottle of Chimay to have your job, traveling the world drunk. So, think of your fans, and please, give us something to look forward to mid week, but not a cooking show. We need that last glimmer of hope that each week, somewhere, Zane Lamprey and Pleplius are out there drinking in an exotic location for those of us that can’t.

Regardless, god damn it, we will watch your new show religiously in hopes that you might accidentally get drunk or make a Steve Mckenna joke.

Thanks Zane.

And please, come to San Diego and enjoy our hospitality for once!


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