Understanding Engineers

Since my brother and dad are electrical engineers – this goes out to them:

Understanding Engineers – Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus
when one said, “Where
did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking
along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
“Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good
choice; the clothes probably
wouldn’t have fit.”

Understanding Engineers – Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers – Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer
fumed, “What’s with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never
seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
Let’s have a word with
him. Hi George! Say, what’s with that group ahead of
us? They’re rather slow
aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group
of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,
“That’s so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight. ”

“The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to
contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for
them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at
night?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil
Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Take Five

The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does
it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How
does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How
much will it cost?”
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, “Do you want
fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together
discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, “It was a
mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was
an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical
connections.” The last
one said, “Actually it must have been a civil
engineer. Who else would run
a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers – Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t
fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have
enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers – Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were
discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with
his mistress, because of
the passion and mystery he found there. The
engineer said, “I like both.”
Both?”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go to the lab and
get some work done.”

Understanding Engineers – Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog
called out to him and
said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful
princess.”
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me
and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week.”
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
at it and returned it
to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss
me and turn me back
into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING
you want.”
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve
told you I’m a beautiful
princess, and that I’ll stay with you for a week and
do anything you want.
Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t
have time for a girl
friend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

%d bloggers like this: