Posted on February 26, 2007
How Men and Women Change the Oil
I saw this when reading the Just a Car Guy blog, and had to link to it!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube.
2) Go next door for Starbucks.
3) 30 minutes later leave with a properly maintained vehicle, and Starbucks fix appeased.
Oil Change $20.00
I know this is true, girlfriends have always done things this way, smart, practical, and clean. Just like the one terrific girlfriend I’ve had, miss you Bev!
1) Wait until the weekend and buy a case of oil and oil filter, (PH-8A) http://www.fram.com/partsCatalog/index.php Nice!
2) Buy a 12pk of beer for the garage minifridge.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 10 minutes looking for floor jack and jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find drain pan.
6) Place drain pan under engine.
7) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
8) Unscrew drain plug, dropping drain plug in pan of hot oil; splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
9) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw cat litter on spilled oil.
10) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
11) Spend 5 minutes looking for cool toothed oil filter wrench. (Forgot I loaned it out)
12) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
13) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Scatter more cat litter under car, drink a beer.
14) Buddy shows up; finish beers with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
15) Sunday: Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Oil slops out of the pan all over the garage floor. Empty remains into 20lb cat litter jug.
16) Throw cat litter on oil, rub it in with a shorty 2×4.
17) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
18) Install new oil filter properly applying a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
19) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
20) Remember drain plug from step 15.
21) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
22) Remember the used oil is in 20lb cat litter pouring jug with drain plug.
23) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now pooled on the floor. Throw more cat litter on oil spill.
24) Crawl under car getting oily cat litter on everything clean. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
25) Bang head on K-member in reaction to step 31, begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid wrench. Wrench carooms off wall, disappears out garage door.
27) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench is now lost.
28) Clean up hands and forehead and bandages as required to stop blood flow.
29) Dump in eight fresh quarts of oil. (loving every drop that is going to stay in that deep pan that requires annual JB weld treatment ’cause it hangs so low.)
30) Lower car from jack stands.
31) Accidentally crush remaining 3 quarts of new motor oil.
32) Move car back to apply more cat litter to fresh oil spill.
33) Document my madness here on the website for posterity.
New 9/16 ths wrench $6.99
Total — $58.00
If you are into cars, check out his blog here!