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Ian Gets Taken Advantage of by a Hippie at a Farmers Market


OK, I know what you are already thinking.  WTF was I doing at a farmers market.  Anyone who reads this probably knows that places where open-minded, liberal people congregate and sell fruits and vegetables is the last place I would be.  Its like kryptonite if I were superman.  But, I have to admit, I had a good time there.  Since I have a horrible sense of smell (really can’t smell at all) I wasn’t bothered by the hippies horrible odor.  I was able to eat a ton of free food since hippies like to give things away.  I did end up biting my tongue quite a bit when overhearing conversations regarding the advantages of “organic” food, and I did my best in my own little way to rebel against the pro-recycling, green nature of the event by throwing tooth picks on the ground after I ate the co-op grown food for free.  I guess it made me feel better by thinking that I was still taking advantage of these peace-loving people in some small way by eating multiple free samples from the same place.  I probably put some of those bastards out of business with the amount of food that I ate.

Regardless of my own personal victory…I won the battle but I lost the war.  I do have one hippie weakness in the fact that I love hummus.  Due to my girlfriend being the exact polar opposite of me in many ways (she’s kind, beautiful, open minded, polite, healthy…) I have started to take an interest in healthy food that somehow seems to taste good, and being involved in some actual mild forms of exercise (I actually went for a walk last night).  I digress, this is the reason I was at the hippie fair/farmers market, and the reason I found myself eating free hummus by the spoonful.  After enjoying this hippies wares, I decided to purchase some hummus for the fair price of 3 for $10.  This is a great deal since buying hummus at the grocery store will cost about $4-5 each for it.  I agree to the “one time only” deal this dirty hippie was offering, and purchase 3 cans of humus.  He then goes for the dirty stinking hippie pita chip upsell by pointing out that I have no pita chips with which to enjoy my hummus.  I agree to acquire a box of pita chips from the gentleman, assuming that since hummus was 3 for10, the pita chips must be available for a fair price as well.  He adds the pita chips to my bag where my hummus was residing, and then requests of me the grand total of $15.  Not really paying attention, I hand the gentleman a $20 and receive $5 back.  He hands me my wares and I am on way, thinking about how much I will enjoy the 3 different types of hummus.

5 minutes later I realize that I just paid $5 for pita chips, and paid $3.33 for each can of hummus.  This seems very odd to me, as pita chips are basically fried bread, and cannot cost $5 to make.  Starting to get pissed off, I visualize this hippie taking my $15 and buying weed with it, laughing as he smokes a cross joint with his hippie friends, regaling them with tales of how he ripped off the conservative republican who liked hummus.

The moral of the story here friends, is that you can never trust a hippie, especially one that still smells even though you have a really poor sense of smell and normally can not smell even the most basic and simplest odors, but you can easily discern this hippies unique blend of incense and weed.  ESPECIALLY DO NOT give this hippie money.  I had to learn the hard way, and my only hope is that others can heed my warning, save their money, and just buy their hummus at the grocery store like a normal person.

Last time I visit a farmers market, thats for sure.

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