I was just looking back at a post I wrote nearly 2 year ago (http://techandtonic.com/2008/04/23/spinning-the-tires/) and kind of reflecting on what has changed since then. It then dawned on me that nothing has really changed since I wrote that. I’m still the same guy, had a few relationships since then but they all ended up the same way. I think I’m just someone who gets lonely but really does enjoying being alone. A couple things I wrote really struck me as true, some have changed:
Sometimes it just seems like I’m not doing anything that great. Your life gets into a rut sometimes and you have to spin the tires to get out of it. I have been working for ESET for nearly a year and a half. Its a great job, but the same thing every day really begins to get monotonous. I suppose some of it is just that I dream of doing big things, but can’t figure out a way to get there. That and maybe that I haven’t really taken any time off since I started working here (I Have 91 hours of vacation time saved up!).
Well this one has definitely changed…I finally got out of that rut and am on to bigger and better things. Who knows what this new job has in store for me, but its bringing a much needed life change. Will be able to update more on that soon.
When things start to blend together into one constant stream, what do you do to differentiate one day to the next? Weeks tend to blur by, Monday turns into Friday, turns into a quick weekend where I try to accomplish everything I didn’t have time to do during the week, and the loop starts over. My roomate Adam recently said – “What would you do if you didn’t have some project to accomplish on the weekends”. True, I always am working on something – fixing a motorcycle, a truck, the boat. When do I have time to just sit back and enjoy the shit I worked my ass off to get? My brother and I do web site and graphic design as a side business, and most nights we come home from work only to turn on our computers at home and work on another project until nearly midnite.
Some of this is different, although much is the same. I think working in a career you can’t really get out of the monotonous cycle of daily life. Weekends are your chance to mix it up, and with a flexible work week coming up at my new place, it will be much better. I am no longer friends with that old roommate Adam…he was part of a much needed house cleaning of throwing out friends that really did nothing for me, and caused me a lot of problems. Good riddance, and makes room for better friends. I also don’t do much website design anymore since I went back to school for my MBA – that takes up the majority of my time after work now.
But god damn it sometimes I just want a cigarette, and to have the conversations I used to have with the people I used to have them with. Maybe its just changes that come with age and maturity, but life used to seem a lot more passionate. Things used to be bright and colorful when you didn’t know where you were headed. Not that anything is bad now by any means, but it just seems to flow from one day to the next seamlessly, when it used to be clear, concise days of achievement and down time, where things could be accomplished at any time of the day or night. Now my life is blocked out from 8-5 monday through friday, rushed from 5-10, and hectic on weekends. This can’t be the way it was meant to be enjoyed? I’m not complaining by any means, and my tastes are way too rich to be enjoyed as a bum just living on the beach, but god damn it I have to figure out the way to live my life in a manner that keeps my fire burning, because I am quickly realizing that this is not it.
This is the major thing that really made me realize that not a whole lot has changed in the past couple years. I still feel this way. Still looking for someone or something that really gets me interested. I don’t know why the days and nights seemed a lot longer back then, but they seem a whole lot shorter now. I still haven’t figured this out, but I’m moving on to a new chapter in my life that might help get me a little closer to the answer. I don’t have shit figured out, but you’ll hear it from me when I do!