Hello to everyone on this great Fri-day. Things are looking up! The fires have almost stopped, its the beginning of Halloween weekend, and I’m in a good mood for some reason. Although, Amago – the motocross track in julian that we were supposed to go ride on Sunday has burned down, but that just opens up Sunday for some more Halloween celebration. So what do I have to offer you today? Well, some things that made me laugh this week. First thing is first. My post from earlier about helping out with the fire evacuees has been a major hit, spawning some insanely hilarious Chuck Norris-related comments from members of the D.O.C. (Disciples Of Chuck – a secret organization sworn to protect all things beard). Here are some highlights from the comments I have received:
Minister of Fear said:
October 24th, 2007 at 9:04 am edit
I am proud to call you my brother. Fellow minister, on behalf of the D.O.C., San Diego Chapter, I’m honored to award you the coveted NMH. The Norris Medal of Honor is bestowed upon you for displaying selflessness and gallantry in the midst of a wartime crisis. Your bravery gave hope to those who lost so much, giving them a little taste of home. I salute you.
wow. just wow. I have been awarded to coveted Norris Medal of Honor. But thats not all!
Minister of Pain said:
October 24th, 2007 at 3:49 pm edit
Brother Grist, your genuine concern regarding the dire situation of our fine citizens in these harrowing times stands as a bastion of hope for us all. Tales of your benevolent exploits will be passed from father to son for generations to come in solemn commemoration of your charitable act. It would take nothing less than a resounding uppercut from our mentor, Mr. Norris, to raise the common man to your lofty stature. As you bask in your self-made glory, remember your humble beginnings in the Nu Xi Chapter of the DOC. As recompense for your epic achievement, in addition to the venerated NMH you will receive a Total Gym, personal RHK lessons from Chuck and a license to kill.
I was so taken aback by these honors that I was barely able to get out a reply:
October 24th, 2007 at 3:55 pm edit
Friends, nay, Brothers, words can not express how humbled I am by these words of kindness. To have the highest award of our organization bestowed upon me in such a selfless manner, is an honor unknown to the common man. A Total Gym, personal lessons, a license to kill! But I am just a common man! I do not deserve such awards, I am a mere Disciple of Chuck, a Minister in his service, to be honest, I question whether my mortal frame can handle such adornments fit for a king. I am truly blessed to receive such praise, but let it be known: it could not have been done without the support of you and the Almighty Norris.
There was even additional discussion about opening up a Canadian chapter of the D.O.C. which I am in favor of, as long as they are not French Canadian. We all know what Chuck Norris thinks about the French…
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Now, and an unrelated note, I just received some hilarious pictures from Evan. Enjoy these with me, will you? Who remembers Bill Clinton! I do! Clearly photoshopped, but this sign should definitely exist somewhere in Arkansas, if not in a museum in Washington, DC! I can’t blame the guy for getting of with a quick J but come on man, you kind of have to set an example for an entire fucking nation! Oh well, we all slip up sometimes I guess….
That was followed by this awesome picture, which reminds me of my good Cop friend, Kjo. God knows if this device existed, he would be patrolling the mean streets of San Diego with one of these little bad boys, adding a lethal new weapon to the art of detecting dirt bags, tweakers, meth addicts, crack whores, and residents of D Street. Now all he needs is the cop mustache and he is all set to intimidate the public!
Finally, I don’t know what the fuck these are supposed to be, the damn picture is really awkward.
My mind is flooded with gay jokes here. I don’t even know where to start. I am severely tempted to Photoshop the shit out of these, changing that bottle to be…well…another liquid-dispensing, cylinder shaped object, and changing around some of the text. I want to grab that gaydar and point it at Evan for sending me these pictures. I’m sure it would read off the damn charts! That cop would throw him in jail in a split second.
Ok, I hope these made you laugh, or at least enjoy a break from the monotony of work on a Friday. If
not, well, they still made me laugh, so fuck you :)