It’s Finally Here…

I apologize for the terrible delay in posting the second half of “Santa Barbara’s Finest.” But…here it is…

Santa Barbara’s Finest… Part II

Casey hadn’t noticed the red-headed step child of an officer had broken off from the rest of the tour and made his was to other areas of the house until he was heading out of Barry’s room, nor did he pay much attention to it. He was confident that he wouldn’t find who he was looking for anywhere else in the house, because he wasn’t there.
“Wake this one up slowly” remarked the tall officer who was still very much apart of the tour, who was apparently reminiscing on Barry’s freak out 30 seconds earlier “after the last guy I don’t want another freak out.”
“Right.” Casey replied in a “Thanks, I’m perfectly aware of that” tone. He opened to door to Tim’s room slowly and stepped into the nearly blacked out room. Tim’s room was tucked into a sunless corner of the house and was further darkened with the thick black curtains, making it very difficult to see in. The lighting problem in the room however was easily solved and Casey couldn’t help but notice his angelic shadow suddenly towering over Tim with a florescent aura around it, like some kind of guardian, this however was not the case. Like a Boy Scout the officer came prepared with his large Mag-Light ready to brighten up the room and shine his punishing spotlight into Tim’s face and once again repeat himself as if it were a mating call.
“Sheriff’s Department, good morning.”
“What? What’s going on?” Asked Tim, still half asleep and obviously very confused.
“Nothing dude, don’t worry about it, they’re looking for some one who doesn’t live here.” Answered Casey and he looked at the officer and gestured towards the hallway to usher him out of the room. Casey led him back towards the living room and showed the officer that no one was in his room, however ever he noticed the door leading to the garage was open and the other officer was heading towards the last bedroom door.
“That’s John’s room, it’s the last stop on the tour so go ahead and shine your light on him or what ever and notice its also not who you’re looking for.” Casey opened the door and both cops entered the room as if they felt something grand awaited them on the other side, they were clearly disappointed to find only John. Casey led them back into the front room and asked, “Well, happy? He’s not here” and began to head for the front door to see his guests off.
“Well Casey, we still have a problem.” Said the officer who had been roaming on his own tour of the house.
Casey stopped and ran through any possible thing that he could think of that would have been a problem for these two men. He had dealt with their barging in, he had shown them around, and he’d even kept from using any expletives in his snide remarks. What could possibly be the problem?
“Why don’t you have a seat on the couch here and we’ll talk.” Said the officer. “So, who has the medicinal card in the house?” he then asked.
“What?”
“The medicinal marijuana card. Who has one here? That’s a nice garage you have here.”
“Shit.” Thought Casey. He then realized that there was indeed a sack of marijuana, bud, weed, pot, smoke, purple sticky punge, or what ever you wanted to call it sitting on the table in the garage. Next to the sack was a fairly new “water tobacco pipe” which was a bright enough blue to be a homing beacon to any law enforcement agent who wished to continue over stepping boundaries.
“So who has one?” Casey was asked yet again.
“Uh…I’m pretty sure no one.” Replied Casey.
“So then whose pot is this?”
Casey sat and thought about whose it was. They had all put in on it, so it was all of theirs. Casey thought it would be easier to just say it was his. After all, it was only a small fine and would be off his record in a year. And thinking further into it, he realized nothing would could be done do to their illegal barging in.
“It’s mine.” Casey said with a “who gives a shit?” shrug and “are you happy now?” look.
“Okay, then come with me.” Said the red headed officer gesturing towards the hallway back to the garage.
Casey walked back down the hallway, through his room and into the garage. There in the middle of the 3 surrounding couches, perched on the coffee table was the bong and an 8th of weed. The cop walked around to the table and gestured for Casey to join him and signaled towards the piece.
“Uhhh…what? You want me to pack you a bowl or something?” Casey asked, not entirely sure was the officer was getting at with his signals and gestures.
“No, No, No. Grab those for me and fallow me back into the front room.”
Bitterly, Casey sighed and picked up the bong and bag and head back out to the hallway.
“Oh! You got a nice bag of weed there.” Said the taller cop.
“Well, yeah. That’s what the bong’s for.” Replied Casey.
“Well, here’s the deal Casey. Without a medicinal card, this marijuana you have here is illegal.”
“Okay”
“And this bong is illegal no matter what unless it’s used strictly for tobacco use.”
“Oh.”
The cop continued to ramble on about the legalities of using marijuana and Casey continued to nod and not care.
“I’m going to make you a deal since you’ve helped us out.” Began Big Red. “You have two choices. You can take the weed and flush it down the toilet with me, and take the bong out back and we’ll smash it.” Continued the cop making it sound like some kind of fun father and son activities, “or, I’ll write you up a ticket and you’ll have to pay a fine and come down and go to court. You don’t really want to have to deal with that with.”
“Cool, you’re cutting me a great deal.”
“Well, what’s it going to be?”
“Obviously I’m going to deal with not getting a ticket.” Casey decided.
At this point Tim and John had woken up and made their ways into the front room just in time to watch Casey walk back down the hall and flush their weed. Casey emptied the bag into the toilet bowl being watched carefully by the ever-present eye of the red headed officer. Casey flushed the toilet and watched as all but one of the green nuggets spiraled around and down the drain. Casey attempted a second flushing of the nugget, but still wouldn’t go.
“That’s fine, I don’t think you’ll really try and pull it out and smoke it”
“Obviously you don’t know my roommate.” Thought Casey in the back of his head.
“Okay, why don’t you grab that town to wrap this in and fallow me out back.” Said the officer shaking the bong and pointing towards the back yard.
Reluctantly Casey grabbed the towel and made his way out back. Casey then wrapped the bong in the town and laid it out on back patio.
“Now what?” Asked Casey.
“Do you have a hammer or something?” Said the officer.
“Not out here. Maybe in the garage.”
Scanning the back yard the officer noticed some thirty-pound weights in the back yard.
“You can go ahead and use one of those weights and just drop it on there.”
Casey reluctantly grabbed one of the weights and walked back over to the towel wrapped glass piece.
There stood Casey over the bong in the tear jerking fashion of Travis Coates preparing to put a slug into Old Yeller and put and end to a best friend. And like squeezing the trigger that held Old Yeller’s fate, he released the weight and watched it crush the bong.
“Happy? Can we go?” Asked Casey, unsatisfied.
“Yeah, good job.” Replied that officer leading Casey into the house. “So, now, be honest with me, do you know where Ryan is?”
“No, I told you. We have been getting mail for him, but that’s it.”
“Wait. Now, if you don’t know where he is, where are you forwarding his mail?” Asked the officer in a tone accusing Casey of having lied to him for the past 30 minutes.
“I forward it into a basket in our kitchen where it piles up. You’re more than welcome to take it with you and give it to him when you find him.” Casey snapped back, not liking being accused of lying.
“Alright, so no one has any idea of where he is or might be?” Ask the taller officer one last time.
“Uh…he’s probably in bed somewhere sleeping still.” Called out John unexpectedly from the couch.
“Alright then. You boys have a nice day. Sorry for the mistake.” Said the officers as Tim opened the door for the to let them out.
“Yeah, thanks for waking us up and flushing the one thing that would possibly get me back to sleep.” Called out Tim as he graciously slammed the door behind them.
“Well that was gay.” Announced Casey.
“I FOUND A NUG IN THE TOILET!” Cried John from the bathroom.
THE END

  • Angela

    ROFLMMFAO………………………………………..

  • Angela

    ROFLMMFAO………………………………………..

  • Jason

    I would just like to say that I hope John enjoyed his Toilet Pot. We’ve all been there man.

  • Jason

    I would just like to say that I hope John enjoyed his Toilet Pot. We’ve all been there man.

  • Arabella

    hi nice post, i enjoyed it

  • adam

    thats a damn shame casey, i feel for ya

  • adam

    thats a damn shame casey, i feel for ya

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